Lurkives Apr22-30Apr03
this lurkive brought to you by

I got a feeling I'm gonna need a disguise for Friday's gig. Any one know where I can get a wooky get-up?
croc is not easily deterred
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 17:16:54 (EDT)

uh, looks like the troops got reinforcement.
my troops are fresh from the front
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 17:14:42 (EDT)

What's so political about a yellow jock strap...?
MJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 16:58:25 (EDT)

Do I need to get Waco on somebody's ass?
BSTC
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 16:56:44 (EDT)

where'd everybody go?
watching fungus grow on my big toe
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 16:54:52 (EDT)

Traffic's no good for yer troops
Trooper Drooper
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 16:46:23 (EDT)

It was there, now it ain't, the flyer flew the coop. The detergents dun did in the troops.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 16:36:42 (EDT)

I mean this
BSTC
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:57:06 (EDT)

Two words: Deterrent's Guestbook
BSTC
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:55:40 (EDT)

A couple of choice Mae West bits--
Mae: "How tall are you?"
Man: "Six feet, seven inches"
Mae: "Forget about the six feet, let's talk about the seven inches"

"Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand"

"I feel like a million tonight. But please, one at a time"
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:55:34 (EDT)

Reminds me of my favorite Dorothy Parker quote. When asked why she didn't attend a party or a premiere or some other such thing, she replied, "I was fucking busy. Or vice versa."
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:41:28 (EDT)

Here's my favorite Marx line of all time--

In his capacity as a comedian on "You Bet Your Life" Groucho Marx interviewed many of the show's participants. He once met a certain Mrs. Story, who claimed to have given birth to twenty-two children.

"I love my husband." Mrs. Story said by way of explanation.

"I like my cigar, too," Groucho replied, "but I take it out once in a while!"
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:38:00 (EDT)

Tis true! It was Marx. What's the difference between a country bumpkin and a welsh rabbit? One is easy to cheat and the other cheesy to eat!
cheetos
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:34:37 (EDT)

Well, chap my ass! So it is! My bad. Anyway, plagerism is STILL not cool.
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:33:31 (EDT)

That's John Booth at his retirement party.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:30:55 (EDT)

That's actually a Groucho Marx quote, not Mark Twain.
Lester
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:30:15 (EDT)

Who the hell is Aristotle?
Plago The Pleased Plagerist
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:29:47 (EDT)

I bet this guy's hair don't smell so good.

Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:29:16 (EDT)

Who the fvck is Mark Twain?
Samuel Clemens Troops
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:27:44 (EDT)

Hey Doc, you totally just plagerized Mark Twain in re the dog quote. Plagerism is NOT cool.
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:24:11 (EDT)

Q: What's the difference between a eunuch(yup) and an Eskimo? A: yup is a massive vassal with a passive tassel, while an Eskimo is a rigid midget with a frigid digit.
nanookie
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:19:36 (EDT)

My decades of research and painstaking study of the accumulated results have led me to one inescapable conclusion.

Outside of a dog a book is a mans best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Doc Ovthebay
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 15:09:56 (EDT)

Chimp Study On Human-Evasion Response To Feces-Hurling Nearly Complete MADISON, WI—Chimpanzees at the University of Wisconsin's Primate Laboratory are nearing completion of a two-year study on human-evasion response to hurled feces, sources reported Tuesday. "Our research shows that Homo sapiens experience extreme agitation and an urge to flee when pelted with baseball-sized lumps of primate scat," said Dr. Jingles, speaking from his research cage. "In 10 out of 10 cases, our test subjects retreated to the far corner of the room and screamed, 'Stop! Stop! AIIIIGH!'" Dr. Jingles first made his mark in science in 1993, when he earned a Nobel Prize for conclusively proving the deliciousness of bananas.
jingle my bells
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 14:59:02 (EDT)

from the ebay dude's feedback

procto (2)
Praise: Ugliness runs in my family. And out, apparently. My poo don't look right
croc's been trolled
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 14:51:03 (EDT)

You're all a bunch of pussy ass bitches that had your troops removed by a girlscout with one hand tied behind her back.
Yup
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 14:36:22 (EDT)

Check this shit out. This dude doesn't actually do business with these people, he just leaves feedback.
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 14:35:03 (EDT)

Seems to me there's a lot-o-lurkers talking like their troops are swinging real low. Guess we'll see Friday whose troops leave drag marks on the floor.
currently my troops are hanging down the hall (and to the left)
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:53:54 (EDT)

I heard that Heath Bar cookies go straight to the thighs. That ahould slow you up a bit.
The Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:23:09 (EDT)

Don't count on it.
get ya by the short hairs
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:21:26 (EDT)

Well no one can stand on my hair now. HOW ABOUT THAT?! HUH?! HUH?!!?
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:19:39 (EDT)

I just finished my hazelnut coffee and a big ass heath bar cookie. Kid, I will take you down with my sheer age!
MJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:13:59 (EDT)

What's with the shit talking, MJ? That's it. Friday night, no holds barred you and me. You may be older than me, but you are smaller. And don't be trying to hide Willy's gay ass necklace behind your curtains or anything so you can pull it out and chain-whup me with it when I'm not looking.
The Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:06:06 (EDT)

Joined the Chix site to drop some positive science on their message board. I'm officially a Chicklett now (yes new member ARE called chickletts)-- poetryman Member # 22885
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 13:05:59 (EDT)

CLUCK YOU, FALWELL!
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 12:33:40 (EDT)

I'm headin' down basement.
Will Keene
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 12:32:59 (EDT)

Isn't the lurk server located in Mount Sterling?
sum fibber
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 12:04:53 (EDT)

NEWSFLASH!!- BUSH & STAFF MOVES TO MOUNT STERLING
The biggest liars in the world have moved to Mount Sterling, Iowa where their dishonesty is considered an honorable trait.
I can see em down at AJ's now........
"Hey dubya, ya really had me going for a while with that WMD stuff. Huh huh huh"
Liar Liar Pants On Fire (and points to my crotch)
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 12:03:47 (EDT)

Anyway, words can't hurt me. I'm off to kill all your families (except for Furze's) and pick myself up a nice hazelnut coffee while I'm at it. And maybe a big cookie. As big a my head. Heathbar cookie. Big.
MJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:56:14 (EDT)

Naw, that's just my shoulder hairs on the fly
MJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:53:49 (EDT)

Would this be a melon shot from aforementioned period?

oh and druggo, I'm pointing to my crotch.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:53:00 (EDT)

Magnums Schmagnums. They can get below me.
MJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:52:23 (EDT)

YOU BITE YOUR TONGUE DRUGSO!
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:51:57 (EDT)

Note to "hair roadie": that shit wasn't cruising out my melon, that shit was growing all the way down my back. I bet Furze looks hot. I looked like DeeDee Ramone. Not a bad look, but on a lady not so successful...
MJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:46:23 (EDT)

I found THIS in my dog kibble bucket
yardwaste, hair and dead skin
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:41:51 (EDT)

Okay, not trying to "out" anybody, but suppose if there was a man called "Grizzly" do you think his wife, being like haired would be named "Furze®"? And pehaps that may be the reason for the afore mentioned lock chop?
Inspector Druggo
Trench Coat, USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:31:59 (EDT)

this S rocks

USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:30:48 (EDT)

As a former hair roadie to the stars, I never saw MJ® get as much attention as when she cut her buff tufts cruising out her mellon to about neck length. So watch out there miss Furze®
Withheld for personal/protection reasons
Prevo, USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:28:11 (EDT)

I've often been accused of impersonating several of Benny Sizzler's many drummers, Lester.
smells like teen Willard
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:26:21 (EDT)

Guess what everybody?! I cut off my hair! YES I DID! Yesterday it was down to the middle of my back, and now it barely skims the nape of my neck! YAY!
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:21:15 (EDT)

Not us!
Mices
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:20:36 (EDT)

Good mornin' friends. Having some breakfast?

USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:19:23 (EDT)

It seems everybody suspects this lurker known by the cryptic name "Not Me". hmmmm.... interesting
still on the trail of you know who
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:16:22 (EDT)

Not me?
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 11:00:02 (EDT)

Not me
"Troopsy"
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:58:56 (EDT)

Not me
Drugsy
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:58:22 (EDT)

Not me
Don
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:58:11 (EDT)

Not me
Mean Joe
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:57:59 (EDT)

Not me
Chong Lee
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:57:41 (EDT)

Not me
Oscar
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:57:23 (EDT)

Not me
Barry
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:57:09 (EDT)

What color bin is used for
recycled rodents?
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:56:52 (EDT)

more than 30 aliases? hmmmm.... that sounds familiar. now who around here has so many aliases? hmmmmm......
on the trail of you know who
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:41:02 (EDT)

Was his name Terrence?
Drugsy
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:40:10 (EDT)

Hey Willy, the cops arrested some guy for impersonating the guitarist from Creed. Watch out.
Lester
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:30:47 (EDT)

Until a fish files a complaint in federal court and then during a trial judged by my peers a********* LURKUS INTERUPTUS----NEWS FLASH!!! How do you tell the difference between mice babies and rat babies? More news and photos to come.
Benny Bulkhead
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:30:09 (EDT)

here's a new kick...
stinging toungue
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:30:00 (EDT)

speaking of ROCK STARS, I'm listening to SOMEBODY'S bass playing from when they played with a different band on www.radioparadise.com RIGHT NOW!
Furze®
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:23:20 (EDT)

Where'd all the rock stars go?
sum flunky
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:21:33 (EDT)

Congatulations to our millionth customer!!!
Claude Terrail, a debonair 85-year-old who inherited La Tour d'Argent says
"If for the chef each dish is a work of art, for me, it's a story unfolding, a face drawing itself, the return of a happy moment,"
Congrats again, and bon appetit!
sum lucky duck
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:20:27 (EDT)

I'm saving up my nickels for a pack of gum. I should have enough saved in a couple more weeks. WOOHOO!
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 10:08:37 (EDT)

Nah, 5 cents a day is WAY too rich for my young blood. I can;t afford that with my allowance...
Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 09:48:01 (EDT)

Hey Kid if you do the whole premium gauntlet thing, let me know if there's any more good shiz in that article.
Dr. Frankenfan
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 09:44:29 (EDT)

Certainly grasshopper. Meanwhile.........
NEWSFLASH!- Fish feel pain! (What can I say? I'm shocked, I'm awed.)
Capt. Obvious
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 09:41:57 (EDT)

That is awesome. Domoarigato, Mr. Ro-croc-o.
The Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 09:35:10 (EDT)

The Franken/Wolfowitz exchange was tease from a premium article at salon.com. This is the tease and the "regular" press reported it like this. Funny how the Post didn't mention it. Apparently the jibe about "How the Clinton military is doing" has become a favorite way to skewer the shrub cartel.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 09:09:37 (EDT)

Hey croc, what's the link to that Franken/Wolfowitz exchange? I tried to find it but me no that smart.
The Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 08:50:49 (EDT)

What time does this show start anyway??
Cong Lee
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 05:45:25 (EDT)

Bang the bulkhead hard! I want blood running out my ears come Friday. I'mout(((())))~~~~~
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 20:14:42 (EDT)

Will rush be at the gig Friday? Depends!

rush is co-dependsant
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 20:07:59 (EDT)

This rig is rigged! A little news media censorship for the past ten days I guess.
wouldn't want to be there
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 19:30:13 (EDT)

I like the flyer, it drapes nicely.
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 19:28:58 (EDT)

HEY YOU FREAKS!! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!!
banging on the bulkhead
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 19:03:26 (EDT)

I like the bouncing moon better, but I'm with ya on the sentiment
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 18:08:45 (EDT)

Notice, everyone is smiling! If the rest of the world did this stuff, would we have wars? All countries have trains. Start a "mooning" of trains in your country too.
buttmunch
assbracket, USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:55:28 (EDT)

click and drag the
bouncy bouncy
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:47:03 (EDT)

Fuckin' Christ. What a mess.
Uber Loser
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:46:54 (EDT)

that game is fun...damn i gotta go beat on something other than meat...
Daddy Willy
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:46:41 (EDT)

two words--
bouncy bouncy
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:45:45 (EDT)

130 points on second try. All those teen years spent behind closed doors did more than build up my forearms
a spooger from way back
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:41:42 (EDT)

this game is more fun than i really would like to admit...
uber spooger
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:34:50 (EDT)

word to willster- check sum chick
sum dum cluck
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:02:32 (EDT)

alright you pigs in blankets...I'm bulkhead bound come 5:59...
Willy
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 17:00:20 (EDT)

And here is where I found the mutant cats, bass wars, and sum chick.
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 16:49:26 (EDT)

THAT is one big fat hairy pussy.
Will Keene
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 16:47:03 (EDT)

please lord tell me that pic is doctored
Smoky
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 16:44:06 (EDT)

But this just ain't right!

Call Me MOAC
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 16:43:10 (EDT)

OK this is interesting

one cool cat
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 16:37:20 (EDT)

From salon.com on Saturday's White House Correspondents' Dinner--- ...This year's kitsch-a-thon, though, sounds like it was far more somber than in the past. President Bush cracked no jokes at the dinner, instead honoring journalists who were killed in the line of duty in Iraq. No one, it seems, was in much of a clowning mood. Take the exchange we heard about between comedian/smartass Al Franken and Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz:

Franken: "Clinton's military did pretty well in Iraq, huh?"

Wolfowitz: "Fuck you."
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 16:10:22 (EDT)

There's gotta be a better way
currently eating ginger snaps
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 15:58:17 (EDT)

Don't Ask
Don't Tell
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 15:42:23 (EDT)

Losing The War On Dopes
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 15:40:05 (EDT)

Forgot the e-mail address
bartcop@bartcop.com
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 15:38:46 (EDT)

My second favorite website, bartcop.com, is expanding to do and they just posted this

We need your 30-second MP3s for "bumper music," and vocals are now allowed. Remember, we only need 30 seconds. (If you send a 35-second clip, that's OK. Just don't send Ina-Godda-Da-Vida.

I'm guessing they mean intro music or interlude music for between segments. Why don't you submit a 30 second Sizzle for their edification. That site gets more hits than a Baghdad bunker and the guy is big on crediting sources.
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 15:34:49 (EDT)

Bush Unites France And Germany-- Two world wars couldn't do it, but shrub did it in no time flat. Just wait till the Russians decide to make nice with the Europeans. Just think of all the oil reserves and nukes Russia has to add to the mix.
The EU is pointing to their crotch
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 14:59:58 (EDT)

It's long and I think there are two factual errors, but it's damn funny/disturbing.
The Benny Resume Service
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 14:31:43 (EDT)

Did somebody say something?
hit the ignore button
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 14:29:55 (EDT)

hey everybody, when ever Don from Johnston posts a message, just read it but don't bother to reply...it's fun!
Will Keene
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 14:09:51 (EDT)

damn you Lester...damn you...
Willard revealed
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:45:45 (EDT)

No Willy, THIS is one messed up dude.
Lester
Get below me, Rod Driver USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:42:30 (EDT)

A follow up on this guy
Smoky
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:30:56 (EDT)

Lester, you're one messed up dude.
Willard
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:23:03 (EDT)

New Bedford is one messed up place.
Lester
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:19:09 (EDT)

thanks for the burger backup, croc, but i must claim credit for the last few oddnesses.
monolith of meat
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:10:30 (EDT)

Utica, NY - Dayle Nisi has a fear of swimming in the nude after being hospitalized after going "skinny dipping" at a nearby lake. In a fresh water version of Jaws, this time instead of a shark, a giant snapping turtle used part of Nisi's anatomy as a meal. What part? Let's use Dayle Nisi's own words, "...I felt this excruciating pain in my groin and when I got my bearings, I realized a turtle had bitten my testicles and swam away with them. It's not a nice feeling, I'll tell you that."
has anyone seen my meat?
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:07:28 (EDT)

Not so much net, as it is that I devoured damn near every book in the Rumford branch of the East Providence library system and a good chunk more on loan from the CLAN system statewide. So I have the built in database to tweak my googlization.
totally insensible despite all that
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 13:04:06 (EDT)

not that anyone will care but bulkside...tonight...1800 hours...be there...
I shoulda hung myself Keene
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:45:57 (EDT)

croc, is there any dusty corner of the 'net you haven't put your greasy fingers on? talkin' carps and raining meats...what the b'Jesus...Doris, your day of reckonin' is rapidly approaching...repent...repent! (by Friday)
Will Keene
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:37:43 (EDT)

The city name "Hamburg" comes from the old Saxon words "ham" (bay) and "burg" (fortress). Sounds like maybe Middleblob could be very appropriately renamed Hamburg to me. Gee, can you think of any locals that might have an objection to the change?
would east bay be Eastham?
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:37:36 (EDT)

Obviously a case of a spontaneously exploding cow/deer. On the hamburg tip, PETA just made the same offer to Hamburg, Germany with the same results.
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:32:24 (EDT)

hey, BJ, make sure you bring your umbrella if you go out today...
singin' in the meat
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:22:30 (EDT)

let's call middleblob MIDDLEBURGER
PETA, wouldn't wanna be ya
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:19:01 (EDT)

four words--
naked man air duct
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:07:22 (EDT)

They're erecting some new statues to honor the Iraqis' "liberation" modeled after real citizens.
Limburger
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 12:01:47 (EDT)

Word is made flesh as God reveals himself... as a fish... According to two fish-cutters at the New Square Fish Market, the carp was about to be slaughtered and made into gefilte fish for Sabbath dinner when it suddenly began shouting apocalyptic warnings in Hebrew.
CARPe diem?
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:59:38 (EDT)

funny sh!t...I liked this part: But when they refused he turned his attention to the orange and white traffic cone and simulated sex with it. Watt was egged on by the crowd who shouted encouragement, urging him to "give it some".
Willy
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:55:55 (EDT)

A MAN rolled about on the ground having sex with a traffic cone as stunned youths watched in disbelief, a court heard yesterday
conehead
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:53:31 (EDT)

para...wouldn't surprise me in the least...when there isn't enough demand, create some. see also philip morris, crack dealers.
boris
- Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:52:16 (EDT)

Look who shrub is "negotiating" with now.
During the 1970s, the Mujahedeen Khalq staged attacks that killed several U.S. military personnel and civilians working on defense projects in Iran. It supported the takeover of the U.S. Embassy in Tehran in 1979 but later broke with the Iranian government.
reap what you sow
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:45:00 (EDT)

Da. Thanks for all the links. Looks like an actual purchase may have to go down. What say Norton sends out viruses then spams your mailbox with anti virus software. Hmmm.
Para Noid
Wormtown, USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:31:06 (EDT)

regarding email worms the VERY FIRST thing to do is change your password. at least 6 characters long, letters AND numbers. you may also want to go to that email provider's customer service, tell them what happened so they don't think you did it and tell them you changed your password already. if you don't have anti-virus software and it's a computer you give a rat's ass about, you're nuts. try free shit here or get the cheapest "norton" from www.symantec.com.
boris
- Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:14:47 (EDT)

No really, Baghdad's gone interactive!
damn that java script tag! and point to my crotch
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 11:01:05 (EDT)

Baghdad's gone interactive.
mapquest this! and point to my crotch
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:54:32 (EDT)

eeny, meeny, miny, and moe (get a virus protection program)
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:45:56 (EDT)

You can start here with this simple idea.
opening a croc of worms
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:35:20 (EDT)

somebody answer FURZY! and Lester, cuntingly funny...
Willard
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:34:47 (EDT)

Any you binary geeks hear of a worm that sends mass emails from your account without you knowing? The only evidence is all the returned mail from dead email addresses. Any suggestions for elimination?
Ben Wormed
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:21:36 (EDT)

LIBERATION?! Screw that! Croc leaves the tube on CNN all day, I've seen what getting liberated is like. I'll keep my limbs where they're currently located and enjoy the benefits of fresh water and kibble. Liberation? Thanks, but no thanks. I'll lay my own version of land mines around the neighborhood.
Smoky
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:21:23 (EDT)

Headline from The Monde-- The US, UK, and Morroco have invaded France!!
just the story, can't find the paper
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:15:13 (EDT)

Don't worry, Smoky! You have friends. Your liberation is imminent.
Furze®
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 10:07:44 (EDT)

how'd I get mixed up in this?
Smoky
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 09:45:40 (EDT)

Listen. I haven't gotten any invites for free lodging if I were to roadtrip to see BS rock the house. I'm an old lady. I need a bed or at least a couch to sleep on. I also need to trust that I'll survive the night alive, and not wind up shackled in Proctor's basement with only poor Smoky to talk to.
Furze®
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 09:42:24 (EDT)

What was that about being composed mostly of yard waste, dead skin, and hair?

Chewcrocca
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 09:20:02 (EDT)

SCREW WMD, GOT QUAGMIRE?
No WMD, just a slowly gathering hatred on both sides as bitterness and the body count continues edging up.
Having A Swell Time Mom! PS- Send More Body Bags, The Guys Loved The Last Batch
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 09:11:02 (EDT)

Tom Brokaw discusses "tax cunts"
Lester
Fox Point , RI USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 08:38:47 (EDT)

as do i but jacket's pretty hosed. vinyl's fine though.
boris
- Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 08:36:46 (EDT)

boris believe it or not I have the Here Come The Friars record (mint condition no less)
croc
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 08:34:36 (EDT)

When are them whiners from NYC gonna make the pilgramage to worship at the feet of Benny Sizzler?
croc feeling a bit yuppish
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 08:31:05 (EDT)

only four more buffy episodes, damn you all. happy birf to cooky....err...cheffy...your AARP mag subscription should begin in 4-6 weeks. hey guess what else, boris' wife gets to have surgery tomorrow! that means two things: a gig must be happening soon and boris will be taking orders for dilaudid, demerol and morphine til 4PM today.
boris
- Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 08:30:23 (EDT)

When the FUCK is Benny Sizzler going to play NYC?!
Furze®
JC, NJ USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 07:11:03 (EDT)

No birthdays for lurkers! I don't care if the Dick Clark of the cooking world is a regular Dorian Grey, all's I know is he better get to cooking me something.
The Birthday Nazi
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 23:43:09 (EDT)

My blessed lurkers, please rub your hands upon my creamy white thighs
The Lord
The Cross, USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 23:39:40 (EDT)

Cheffy turns 42 today (Tuesday), give em all ya got!!I may be old, but Cheffies always older!!
Dexter
Striperville!!!, USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 21:31:25 (EDT)

vinyl called "Here Come the Friars" commemorating that (final four?) team. voice by chris clark. maybe you can luck out in cutout bins somewhere 'round here. other than that i'd see whether PC (slavin center?) has stores on campus or call their SID. not vicious...sports info director. prov library'll let you digi-cam archived journals prob'ly.
boris
- Monday, April 28, 2003 at 20:48:51 (EDT)

a mouse in india says "fuck you"
jerry would be proud
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 18:01:54 (EDT)

I thought bush was a yale man?
croc3
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 17:36:27 (EDT)

what does a slug say in Dartmouth?
Willard
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 17:33:22 (EDT)

A dog in Bangkok says "bahk-bahk"
A dog in Japan says "wan-wan".
A dog in Russia says "gahf-gahft".
A cow in Thailand says "oo-ah"
A cat in Japon says "neow".
A cat in Thailand says "mao".
A pig Japan says "moo-moo".
A pig in Thailand says "oot-oot".
A pig in Russia sayds"ha-roo".
A rooster in Germany says "ay-ee-ache-ache"
Foghorn Leghorny
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 17:10:07 (EDT)

Maybe the projo has a sports photo request thingy?
Hoop Pimp
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 17:02:31 (EDT)

Oh joy I'm approved for that lesbian forum group, MariesStoryland.
calloused hands by the end of the week
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:42:15 (EDT)

yeah willy I got a postus-interuptus earlier too.
croc
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:33:54 (EDT)

OK lurk-o-philes, here's the dilemna- I got Marvin's autograph for my dad who's had season's tickets for the Friars since '54 if memory serves me right. I found one link for some pics (and two connecting links), but they're all fairly small. Can any of you come up with some more (or better) jpegs so I can put a pic/s behind the autograph and frame it for daddy-os birthday next week?

dribbling idiot
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:32:44 (EDT)

post damn you lurk, post!
Willy
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:29:31 (EDT)

how 'bout them Sox? Celts? anybody? don't call me Will Keene
Willard
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:26:52 (EDT)

Hey I forgot to tell the lurkites about sitting a couple of seats away on the train to Boston while a certain former friar rattled off a bunch of stories from the old days

--If you can spare the time, let me tell you a story. Back in the 70s there was a basketball team called the St. Louis Spirits. The team was scheduled to fly from Louisville to St.Louis when Marvin Barnes, the team’s star, glanced at the itinerary.
Noting that they were to take off at 8 p.m. and arrive at 7:56 (and having apparently not yet mastered the concept of time zones), Barnes picked up his bag and announced to sportscaster Bob Costas, "I ain’t gettin’ on no time machine."--
croc
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:26:01 (EDT)

Yo stack, was that link a bizarre ride or what?
croc
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 16:22:11 (EDT)

I'm more bummed about the Hammers though. Ever since Paulo DiCanio spit rightin the refs face I've had a soft spot for the ol' West Ham.
Don
Relegation Nation, USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:48:15 (EDT)

No shit Boris. Couldn't have happened to a nicer piece of shit. Martin Keown is a full fuck-nut.
Don
Get No Cup, USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:45:01 (EDT)

Dave the Fag, here's one for you: I don't know what to do. I've got a crush on the Tim Hortons guy! I'm a down-to-earth, normal fag like all the rest. I've had my fun, tried some things: I've been pissed on, been in orgies, worn leather--you know, all the regular stuff. But what do I do now?? HE WORKS AT TIM HORTONS!
Stack a 6pack of Donuts
Hoser City, True North - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:42:51 (EDT)

OK so I'm worthless, but what about my g@y @ss egg?
worthless at woolworth
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:41:00 (EDT)

US BeYATCH, you mean, Boris. Okay I'm off into the meat and I'm taking my rotten, dying skin cells and ovaries with me. Lurk on
BJ®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:34:53 (EDT)

you are worthless...WORTHLESS!
Willudite
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:34:43 (EDT)

Does that mean I'm worth something on the open market?
mostly composed of yard waste, dead skin, and hair
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:32:05 (EDT)

i'd like to fuck this computer in the USBhind
boris
- Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:30:36 (EDT)

Fuck anything made of metal, plastic or composites. Purchase products made of yard waste and dead skin and hair ONLY.
BJ Ludite®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:26:42 (EDT)

I loathed seeing rummy spew about the wonderful statue-toppling-underwhelming-show-of-support by the Iraqis. You know the statue toppling he flew Chalabi and Co. in to stage for the cameras. Tis a sad state of state affairs.
croc
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:24:03 (EDT)

Just invested in a DVD player/recorder?
burned again and clinging to my eight-track
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:19:14 (EDT)

As chil was heard to remark just this morning, "Rumsfeld is a lying sack of shit".
BJ®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:19:05 (EDT)

SURE! Now you post! Damn lopers!
is your loper an inter or an outer loper
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:17:49 (EDT)

sorry about that
interloper
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:08:19 (EDT)

Damn! #44,000 went to a peeker!
croc by numbers
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:05:11 (EDT)

Never have so few told so many lies
churchill grave spinning
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:03:54 (EDT)

THIS shit is funny: bright sky ball hurt eye
BJ®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:02:30 (EDT)

sh!t, I was supposed to say depends.
croc a day late
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 14:53:51 (EDT)

I sent my crotchless culottes out to be deloused
croc
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 14:52:41 (EDT)

croc you gonna wear your frilly adult diapers to the gig? Doris?
Frilly
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 14:29:52 (EDT)

Would you believe a yahoo group devoted to writing lesbian encounter stories? Gave me a serious case of the vapors.
lesbian trapped in a croc's body
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 14:18:11 (EDT)

bright sky ball hurt eye
sum croc magnum
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 13:38:57 (EDT)

Blue Man Group rocks. If that's where you're going I'll be frilly-for-the-day and take mumsy to the show.
sum free rider
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 13:25:46 (EDT)

mom decided to retire from her meat job...so it's a retirement din din of sorts
Blue Man Frilly
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 13:24:07 (EDT)

Note to Recent: Don't bother. Why would anybody in their right mind change out of sleep suit, change into meat clothes, leave the comfort and safety of their house, to go see some shit band?
BJ®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 13:06:57 (EDT)

Hey Frilly, you gonna take moms to see the Blue Man Group?
BJ®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:59:59 (EDT)

I'll be there
recent no-show
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:54:41 (EDT)

COME SEE ME IN MY FRILLS ON FRIDAY NITE! HEY EVERYBODY!
Frilly
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:44:47 (EDT)

Another Frilly chick-flick?
prefer my dates pitted
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:34:23 (EDT)

I am NOT sick. Well, only in the head. Not that anyone will respond to this but Wednesday I have a date with my mother again. So Tuesday it must be.
Will Keene
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:31:39 (EDT)

I SAID-Willy's posts are like Bill Keene's Family Circus-evrybody reads them because they are easy to read but nobody comments on them or laughs.
BJ®
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:23:00 (EDT)

My love kitten calls me
snowball
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:15:06 (EDT)

Experiments showed that a wooden stick left over an ant-hill for a while and then dipped into boiled and cooled milk would ferment it and turn it into yoghurt, as would antique silver coins, said Georgiev's assistant Nikolai Zhilkov.

Apart from having a reputation for being kind to the digestive system, it is also an excellent face cleansing mask, a soother for sunburn and douche for a thrush attack.
bacillus crocus
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 12:13:54 (EDT)

BLING BLING!! Benny, Tues. vice Weds. ok?
bedridden Willy
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 11:46:48 (EDT)

a museum that gives you a shot of vodka on the way in ain't half bad either. We should instate that policy here. It should only take a couple of weeks for cultural awareness to make a big jump from the increased museum attendance.
positive bed spin
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 11:18:33 (EDT)

glad to help there, don. nice own-goal.

it must be fuckin' monday, da
boris
- Monday, April 28, 2003 at 11:00:42 (EDT)

So it seems communism was good for life expectancy
Borisova
Cyclops City, USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 10:44:54 (EDT)

Where is everybody? Don't tell me you're pretending to w**k? Has anybody calculated T-Minus to gig time? About 4 1/2 days, how much is that in dog hours? And most importantly, why do they bother to put those nasty brittle pieces of gum in packs of baseball cards?
croc-o-questions
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 10:36:06 (EDT)

Thank dog Nancy Reagan didn't have access to this collection.
clutching my anatomical rarity
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 09:37:59 (EDT)

Meanwhile at the cosmetics counter...

tons-o-stanking-butt-crocs
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 09:10:32 (EDT)

Is MiddleblobFirst ready for the latest strip mall tactic? Looks like sprawl has taken on a HOLE new meaning.

1,300 sprawling croc-tches
USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 09:06:49 (EDT)

Lost again! Off comes the other sock.
Strip Solitare
USA - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 21:36:37 (EDT)

Willy's posts are like Bill Keene's Family Circus-evrybody reads them because they are easy to read but nobody comments on them or laughs.
BJ®
USA - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 21:25:01 (EDT)

Well, no Isaac, but if Sluggo were there , would you show up? He's an able bodied seaman, and you know the whole thing about oysters and such.....
Dexter
Bakefield, USA - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 21:15:53 (EDT)

There had been abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature.
Drugsy
USA - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 12:28:45 (EDT)

DAMN! I lost again! Off with the sock!
Strip Solitaire
USA - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 01:01:55 (EDT)

You want me to seed WHAT?!

USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 23:53:05 (EDT)

And only if Vicki lets me seed her oysters...
The Good Cap'n
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 23:49:49 (EDT)

my littleneck could use a shot of HOT SAUCE, nudgenudge, winkwink...
captain stubby
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 22:16:39 (EDT)

Not unless Isaac is working the Lido Deck Bar.
chef
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 21:55:54 (EDT)

Anybody wanna join me for the 5am ,May 3rd embarking from Davisville to salt water farms off the coast of Middleblob? We're seeding 500,000 oysters in the farm. Future of natures Viagra!!
Dexter
Bakefield, USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 21:33:20 (EDT)

ah, the ever-fatal billy idol phase.
doris
- Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 17:48:11 (EDT)

Only bigger, whiter and far showier.
Like this
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 16:27:33 (EDT)

Doris, all's I know is one day the poor thing had a Vegas showgirl-type white plumage on his head. It was cute and funny at first and then quite demoralizing when the reality sunk in.
BJ®
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 16:24:35 (EDT)

trout get same fungus when touched by human with dry hands. longpig accidentally peels off protective oil on yon guppy. maybe don was trying to find a dance partner for his weekly two-step lessons?
doris
- Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 16:15:16 (EDT)

Is this band any good?
Blingo
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 16:05:53 (EDT)

Hey that's a good idea. I'm no stranger to spending 100 bucks on a fitty cent goldfish when it falls ill.
BJ®
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 13:59:45 (EDT)

anybody feel this way this morning?
sink like a fish
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 12:41:35 (EDT)

has anyone seen my hair pin?
good hair day
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 12:35:46 (EDT)

Time warp Cheffy. Eggplant parmesan.
Vegamatic
Mmmm, USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 11:01:17 (EDT)

thinking no disrespect intended. forced self to examine other "songs" by this "band" and, umm, well....canuckoise remy zero. dunno. funny title. hey where's dex, getting ready to watch a full weekend of NASCAR? i hear the Tower Transit Armed Checkpoint has granted his pass to proceed north of said tower on 2 may as long as he's home by his customary 10PM curfew. just a rumor?
doris
- Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 08:54:29 (EDT)

And final note to Furze® : run like the wind you half-marathoning freak. And be prepare for punk rock houseguests in your new digs.
BJ®
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 00:09:21 (EDT)

Doris, you think them hosers is rippin' the 'yahd?
BJ®
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 00:07:57 (EDT)

Dexter, you got to quit you honest day's w**kin' and you got a git a job workin' for the MAN and git paid to lurk like all these weekday warriors.
BJ®
USA - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 00:06:43 (EDT)

all doris knows is they're hosers and the song is called "Boneyard Tree"
doris
- Friday, April 25, 2003 at 22:56:46 (EDT)

Yup, weekends here, the void of lurkdom, Just us crickets here.......
dexter
Tim Wakefield, RI USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 21:12:27 (EDT)

hey no fair the sizzler's website has twice as many hits as mine
the ghost of jim porridge-san
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 18:23:10 (EDT)

look at this trilogy of bean heads...only $60 for the cheap seats!
thankyoumayihaveanother
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 18:20:17 (EDT)

Listen the only bombs dropped on this lurk is fuckin' Croc and his "Page, Tull & Bouree" trilogy of has beens
BJ®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:56:54 (EDT)

i must be high
double duh
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:49:19 (EDT)

oops
duh, here's the link i just forgot
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:48:20 (EDT)

is good for the gander? they no go make new bomb-bomb, we make heap new bomb-bombs?
is not like the other
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:47:21 (EDT)

what's bad for the goose...
one of these things
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:45:22 (EDT)

lurk on you princes of yellow...you kings of brown...lurk on...
Frilly
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:23:25 (EDT)

Time for me to eggsit stage right(((())))~~~~~~~~
Going To See If I Can Snagglepuss
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:07:50 (EDT)

This is getting downright eggsasperating.
croc-a-doodle-doo-doo
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 17:04:35 (EDT)

So you think your life is bad. Just think how bad the life of the egg is... You only get laid once! You only get eaten once! It takes 4 minutes to get hard 2 minutes to get soft You have to share a box with 11 other guys And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
stop eggin' me on
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:59:06 (EDT)

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
premature eggjaculation
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:57:32 (EDT)

Brazilians against bush.
Ladies, I think you know what I'm saying
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:56:51 (EDT)

And the Snickers is a Mars bar.
Furze®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:56:48 (EDT)

Milky Way is a Twix, actually. Not sure if Snickers is right....pretty sure though.
Furze®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:53:41 (EDT)

You got it bad girl
croc <thinking of doing an intervention>
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:53:15 (EDT)

From right to left, top row first..... Almond Joy, Mounds, Butterfinger, Carmello, Milky Way, Kit Kat, Rolo, M&M's, Baby Ruth, Snickers, Three Muskateers, Payday.
Furze®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:48:45 (EDT)

Sad but true. Me thinks I got all of them there candybar cross sections....oy. Hello, my name is Furze® and I was a candy-a-holic.
Furze®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:46:37 (EDT)

THE BEER'S PRAYER Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter and The lager. Forever and ever, Barmen
father FOAMY HEAD
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:46:25 (EDT)

oh believe it
F...F...F...Frilly
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:43:24 (EDT)

I don't believe it. In the middle of the solo in Heartbreaker, Page busted into Tull's tune Bouree.
croc
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:40:03 (EDT)

What do you get when Dolly Parton does the backstroke? Islands In The Stream
kenny the rogerer
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:37:28 (EDT)

We didn't get brown by ourselves.
BJ's Eggs
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:35:43 (EDT)

I really don't know what more can be said.
Frilly
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:34:17 (EDT)

Hey HJY is busting out a couple of the new live Zepplin tracks.
pooper scoop
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:32:57 (EDT)

I find the only real use for chocolate is to lure little girls to their doom.
the croc of doom
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:31:48 (EDT)

so, BJ, you like your chocolate dark..?
randyman
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:16:12 (EDT)

Hey I love candy more than life itself but even I can't get 100% behind the dietetic "rut and nut"
bj®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:43:54 (EDT)

"I believe the Lord is going to get us THIS monument," he said.
And then you point to your crotch
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:39:59 (EDT)

DAMN! Woman. That is some FINE ASS MEAT!!
BJ®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:37:31 (EDT)

take one hunk of meat, marinate it in strawberry juice, wrap it in cheese, dip it in chocolate- a CHOCOLATE BERRY ROD!
all day sucker
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:29:04 (EDT)

Sam is very self-conscious about his bald head and his wooden leg, so when he receives an invitation to a Halloween Ball, he wants to wear a costume that will hide or minimize both. He dashes off a note to Brooks Brothers, explaining his need and his concerns, and in a few days receives a package with the following note. "Dear Sir: Enclosed is a pirate costume. The red handkerchief will cover your bald head, and your wooden leg will look like part of the costume." Sam is furious with their 'solution', and returns the parcel, saying he is trying to HIDE his peg leg...not call attention to it. The next week, he receives a second package and a note: "Dear Sir: We apologize if we appeared insensitive to your concern. Enclosed is a monk's habit. The long robe will hide your leg, and your bald head will look to be part of your costume." Enraged, Sam returns the costume with a nasty note, saying they are idiots for calling attention to his bald head. The following day, he receives a small parcel by courier with a note which reads: "Dear Sir: Enclosed is a jar of caramel. Pour it over your bald head, stick your peg leg up your ass, and go as a candy apple
bob "for apples" dole
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:21:45 (EDT)

Junior'll do anything for a candy rush...and so will I!
sugardaddy
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:12:09 (EDT)

you got your BIG HUNK in my TWIN CHERRY-O-LETS?
thecandymancan
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:06:29 (EDT)

Holy fucking shitballs! Are these people insane?!?
Lester
Fox Point, RI USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 15:05:42 (EDT)

aw hell, might as well blow the whole load

USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:49:50 (EDT)

and most important of all, for when it's time to
point to my croc-tch
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:48:13 (EDT)

tis another
saddam sporting frills
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:46:50 (EDT)

you guessed it, it's another one
bomb squad joker
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:45:30 (EDT)

another
no frills in france
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:44:18 (EDT)

here's a couple of pics you'll appreciate frilly
frilly saddam
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:43:28 (EDT)

They said she was dead when she did the sex book. I won't count on her staying dead till I see the first few shovel-fulls of dirt hit the top of her coffin.
I'll Be Back <the eggsterminator>
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:16:22 (EDT)

What about my career?

<sell@out.com>
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:09:54 (EDT)

bulkhead...1800 hours...be there
ALL frills NO thrills
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:07:55 (EDT)

This lurk is deader than my career.
Balki
Fox Point, RI USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:02:27 (EDT)

--dyslexic a comment
next you lunar there's know month? gonna Did a be eclipse
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 14:00:55 (EDT)

another random comment--
Did you know there's gonna be a lunar eclipse next month?
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:58:29 (EDT)

random comment--
I have a bunch of paperclips
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:57:31 (EDT)

how DOES he do that?
onthe third lurk he rose again
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:39:02 (EDT)

One fried mars bar please.
Fried A. Kahalo
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:25:49 (EDT)

that was a no-frills ride to the fuckin' mortuary
Frilly
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:14:30 (EDT)

Frilly kill lurk DEAD!
BJ®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:11:36 (EDT)

ok it's dead now
frilly's shadow
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 13:09:40 (EDT)

not dead, just playing possum

sum possum
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:39:23 (EDT)

Frilly kill lurk. Dead.
Lurk Police
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:26:40 (EDT)

I've been meaning to share this for some time now but dance like you've never been hurt dancing before...
Frilly
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:21:52 (EDT)

the Benny Sizzler bar wouldn't be NUTTIN' w/o my frilly feet...
Willy
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:19:17 (EDT)

Junior sure has a perdy mouth, too...
BJ®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:13:47 (EDT)

BTO- Big Time Operator? I like
BTO wannabe
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:12:30 (EDT)

Slice it!
The Benny Sizzler by-product
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:10:12 (EDT)

Butt
Madonna Munch
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:02:14 (EDT)

New candy bar: take yellow lemon merengue and age it one week in one Frilly's socks; take the resulting foul gelatinous mess and carefully blend in wasabi paste; form into a log; blend hardened fox feces and habanero paste with some sweat scraped off BJ's back fur; coat log with resultant brown goop and a few insults; and you get...
A Benny Sizzler
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 12:02:06 (EDT)

Simultaneous Log!
That's easy, it's...
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:56:45 (EDT)

What's this?

USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:55:43 (EDT)

wow. That's a good one. How about this one? Madonna Cjicken-Shit Crisp-"controversy ,edgy politics and shitty music wrapped up in accountant's spread sheets"
BJ®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:52:22 (EDT)

Once again we have an example of the rare simultaneous log.
Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:46:42 (EDT)
my croc is on lurklight savings time
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:52:09 (EDT)

New candy bar: Grind up bits of bush, Perle, Wolfowitz, and Rumsfeld; add creamy nougat and cluster bombs; coat thoroughly with the blood of innocent children blended with rich milk chocolate; hold the whole thing together with a pack of lies and you get...
CRIMINAL CRUNCH
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:48:23 (EDT)

Is that vitamin B as in bimp?
Chief Inspector Clouseau of the Surete
Paris, France - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:46:42 (EDT)

Let's just say my hopes ain't high for your cockles
Don
Crotchton, USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:46:42 (EDT)

big cockerels fan this weekend now, ain't you donna. ain't you. AIN'T YOU.
doris
middlet-own-goal, - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:42:44 (EDT)

Screw poi, natty and Willy, play NAME THAT CANDY BAR
BJ®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:39:51 (EDT)

SUPPORT MY WILLY!
Willy
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:36:21 (EDT)

OK, it's another tiger story, but this one doesn't have any dead cats, just a couple of scaredy cats. Seems this pic scares the bejeezus out of the poor guys. What's amazing is that the zoo doesn't do anything about it.
croc
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 11:02:02 (EDT)

Screw Natto!
Got Poi?

And Poi-nt To My Croc-tch
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:46:36 (EDT)

Ya know someone just had to do the lunchbox...

croc
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:39:42 (EDT)

Finally a bar policy I can get behind

croc
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:33:24 (EDT)

Not just easy and good for you, natto is also versatile. Most often eaten for breakfast with rice and a raw egg, natto also pops up in miso soup, salads, with tofu, stuffed in omelets, served as a dip, even deep-fried as tempura, making it one of the most adaptable foods on the planet. And once you get past the initial disgust and aversion and actually (gulp!) acquire a taste for it, natto is delicious.
Natto-rific!
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:30:44 (EDT)

A boy tastes traditional South Korean kimchi, or fermented cabbage, at a department store's food section in Seoul April 24, 2003. The local Kyunghyang Daily News reports on Thursday that Beijing residents are buying out supplies of kimchi in the belief that it will prevent the flu-like Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). (Reuters/Rhee Dong-Min)
Kim Kim Sher-Chee
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:23:35 (EDT)

Natto-rific!
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:21:30 (EDT)

Cheesy Natto I really enjoy the most basic recipe. Mix natto well to get the sticky texture, then add Japanese soy sauce (don't drown it or you'll just taste the sauce) and chopped green onions. Mix again and serve it on very hot cooked rice. My friend enjoys adding one more item; finely chopped cheddar, mozzarella, or havarti cheese! Apparently, the cheese melts on hot rice. He says it's excellent! Natto Mayo Spread If you just stir in mayonnaise and a few drops of soy sauce to natto, spread it on bread, and eat it, it is very tasty. Especially when made as a sandwich, the smell and sliminess are hardly noticed, making this a recommended recipe.
Natto-rific!
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:20:34 (EDT)

I have actually tried natto. It's fucking disgusting. Almost as bad as durian. My friend, Akihisa, loves the shit and made us all try it - straight from it's little styrofoam container. It is usually eaten on top of rice with hot sauce and an egg, but we tried it plain (he thought that was funnier). It was like how I imagine eating bug eggs or larve must be like.
Furze®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:18:20 (EDT)

Hey Chef, there's your next veggie special. You put on the specials board--
Natto
Japanese indelicacy that resembles bits of hardened fox feces anchored in snot.

that should have em lining up around the block.
croc
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:14:09 (EDT)

Natto is a foul-smelling sticky web of fermented soybeans typically served with a Japanese breakfast. The smell will make you crazy, and the food will make you strong. That's that the Japanese believe. It's like the Japanese vegemite perhaps, or gizzards - some food noxious to foreigners (and many locals) that natives get a kick of brandishing about. "Real Japanese eat Natto" or "Natto is real Japanese food" I've heard from a bus driver, and various people eating alongside me in rural restaurants. Natto resembles bits of hardened fox feces anchored in snot. It's really unusual to eat, especially with chopsticks, though I can't imagine eating it with a fork or spoon. I spend much energy trying to disengage a series of endless threads hanging between the bowl and my mouth.

Vitamin PPQ®, It May Stank, But It Puts Pep In Your Crank
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 10:09:20 (EDT)

Are you suffering from reduced fertility and roughened fur? Tired of the wisecracks from your back waxer? Maybe you need a fix of the new Vitamin PPQ®. Yes Vitamin PPQ® can put the pep back in your pee-pee and take the razor-quill finish off that back hair.
Vitamin PPQ®, It's Good For America, It's Good For You!!
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:55:01 (EDT)

BJ I think you might want to look into changing your will. In keeping with your "The only good long-pig is a dead long-pig" policy, you could get one last chance to leave a bad taste in this world's mouth.
Dry-RubbedWith Emeril's Finest And Slow Roasted On A Spit
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:33:45 (EDT)

That is fucking sick. And I bet he gets of with a fine and probation. People fucking objectify animals, it pisses me off.
Furze®
JC, NJ USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:14:19 (EDT)

alligatos=alligators
Captain Grammar
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:13:14 (EDT)

This is very strange...It sounds like a bad Animal Planet show or something. "The alligatos were there, too, in a bathtub inside the house." Huh?
The Kid
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:09:43 (EDT)

CBGB's is just arround the corner from my new digs. Moving date: JUNE 1ST BABY!!!!!
Furze®
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 09:08:53 (EDT)

Lester
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 08:40:03 (EDT)

large non-long-pig
body count
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 08:16:56 (EDT)

Lester
USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 08:13:38 (EDT)

Fans Riot In Streets As U.S. Victorious

USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 01:18:23 (EDT)

SOCCOR MOMS FOR BLOOD!
True Patriot
AMERICA, USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 00:20:42 (EDT)

IRAQ OUT OF IRAQ!
Blood Thirst T.
AMERICA, USA - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 00:08:42 (EDT)

Hellooooooo MiddleBLOB!!!!!!!!
Joey Shithead
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 23:55:17 (EDT)

so straight from Cleveland to Middleblob...hmmm...is that an improvement?
nonsensical Willard
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 18:25:56 (EDT)

actually it's my stage name, i'm the first Amish rapper. my real name is jerimiah b. onzabeoch. yes shit DOA is on tour and to me they must be seen. tried emailing them but it got regurgitated. i hope i don't have to haul my ass all the way to cbgb's or longpigisland to catch 'em. check the link for dates. imagine doa and benny sizzler on the same bill...i'd hafta wear diapers
jbonz
funkytown, PA USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 17:42:53 (EDT)

Hey Frilly, I brought along a few extry!
Co Worker
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 17:34:23 (EDT)

if that's what you call white, my balls are made outta chocolate...
Fudge Brown Whitey I mean Willy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 16:56:15 (EDT)

Hey Willy, nice browns!
Mrs. White
The other side of next door, USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 16:30:51 (EDT)

That's good shit, Furze. Note to jbonz (if that is your real name), DOA, no shit?
BJ®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 16:24:44 (EDT)

Brilliant Pro-War Mockery
Furze®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:52:05 (EDT)

red sox fucking SUCK.
doris
- Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:48:47 (EDT)

speaking of hoser possez, look at this link... D.O.A.(unconfirmed) playing in middletown may 4th? do i smell a sizzlin' doubleheader...
jbonz
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:35:11 (EDT)

Let me get my hoser posse on the line and I'll git back to ye on the loony to dollar exchange rate
BJ®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:18:30 (EDT)

that's half a MFin' LOON! or is it a quarter? someone git bif nakid on the line
Willy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:09:24 (EDT)

50 Cent - Canadian. What's that like, 38 Cent?
North Side Gangstaz
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:07:38 (EDT)

Brown eggs from ham.
Mr. Brown
Next door, USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 15:05:41 (EDT)

mightly? Nevermind I ain't got time for the spallcheck bit. I'm off to Bean Town (any relation to Beany Seezzler?) for my accounting mid-term. Just one qeustion. Do brown eggs go with brown bread and brown beans? I'm out[[[[]]]]~~~~~~~~
croc's brown eye
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:41:55 (EDT)

did someone ring Willy?
Willy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:41:14 (EDT)

i'm scared of yer mightly spalling
jbonz
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:26:51 (EDT)

thank you thank you Foghorn for introducing me to the wonderous world of kegelcisors. i knew there was something missing in my life...(my magnetic willy-ring was losing its zip)
jbonz
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:25:02 (EDT)

yes masters are we
Master Bates Willy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:21:59 (EDT)

It's getting to where my teef are as rare as brown egg shooting hen's teef
Teefless Frilly
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:21:21 (EDT)

Jason, don't be scared by our mightly power the night we play with you guys. Just watch and learn from the masters.
MJ®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:18:12 (EDT)

Is that the Jason from the bad horror flix?
movie buffer
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:13:41 (EDT)

BJ that's alls I gots left after that oral raping
Frilly
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:12:56 (EDT)

shut the eff up Willard
Diane Sawyer
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:09:05 (EDT)

Ahhhh my friends the Sizzler. We are honored to share the stage with youse rockers....I will link you up to our site asap and shit.
Jason Kendall
Providence, USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:07:32 (EDT)

You and your gold teeth, Frilly. You're turning into a regular 50 cent.
BJ®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:03:26 (EDT)

don't worry the Baba Walters interview is to follow...or is it that other bitch what's-her-name? i got me another gold toof
that chicken shit Willard
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:01:18 (EDT)

Snaps that don't fall off when faced with lagging record sales mind you
BJ®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:59:07 (EDT)

but your tits are wallets next to hers...WITH snaps mind you
CS Willy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:57:13 (EDT)

I had to double for Natalie Maine's fat ass on the cover of Entertainment Weakly.
BJ®
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:54:33 (EDT)

that chicken's for the birds...so WHAT foto shoot Bj?
chicken sh!t Willy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:49:19 (EDT)

I SAY, I SAY BOY! That chicken is showing some damn FINE legs. And just look at that muscle control! She must use one of them there kegelcisors, if ya know what I mean.
Foghorn Leghorny
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:44:39 (EDT)

that little bit of pink thigh peeking out over the egg-squirter's leggins is a real turn on. is she wearing shoes? and what's that jar in the background? vaseline?
jbonz
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:28:23 (EDT)

BJ® So how was the photo shoot?
Don
Eggert, USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:24:35 (EDT)

I said it before and I'll say it again. The Chicken is friggin EGGSQUISITE!!! I give it two bums up!!
croc's chicken is all choked up
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:24:06 (EDT)

Is that the second shooting this week?
Taliban Jr. High
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:21:33 (EDT)

...that "I" made...
The Son <kill@me.com>
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:18:57 (EDT)

Oh you all with your issues and your peace, that's fine for now, but did ya SEE the chicken shitting brown eggs that my made on the computer?
Benny Sizzler 's Mother <so@proud.com>
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:18:21 (EDT)

More good news
Lester
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 13:14:57 (EDT)

you're right BJ, i'm more like a butterfinger...try this link it oughta cheer ya up
jbonz
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 12:53:54 (EDT)

If the caged mud pit includes the hotties from Zumanity I'm all for it.
croc-tchless culottes
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 12:38:40 (EDT)

Hadn't seen it. Just read it now and this

Much of the foregoing information (minus the obstreperous opinionation) is lifted from Inquire Within, by Jane Lancaster, commissioned by the Athenaeum to celebrate its 250th anniversary, along with a bash on Sunday. (It might also give itself the gift of fine railings.) The book's title may be curious, but its wit, beauty, eloquence and scholarship are not just impressive but astonishing for a work of this sort.

is the woman (Jane Lancaster) that I was talking about. She's the visiting fellow from England with a Phd that's in my writers group.
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 12:23:44 (EDT)

croc, no comment on the athenaeum piece in today's urinal?
doris
- Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 12:08:34 (EDT)

croc you belong in a caged mud pit
zookeeper frill
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 11:51:07 (EDT)

Looks like the Bowling For Columbine Tour is back on schedule.
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 11:47:35 (EDT)

Here it is. Chix a la Fresco! Plus their album is 4X platinum now. It's like they say, there's no such thing as bad publicity.
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 11:34:34 (EDT)

I knew I loved those Dixie Chicks for a reason. Looks like we got 6 Breasts and 6 Thighs on the menu tonight chef.
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 11:31:23 (EDT)

hey BJ i might ask you to pop a few back-zits again after jammies on Friday night...
Frilly
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 11:25:07 (EDT)

And if that zoo offer is still up, I'd love become a member of Zumanity. Cirque de Soleil has managed to combine the splendour of their usual fare with the sexual content of a good lap dance. WOOHOO! Sign me up. I checked for tix for the "intimate" seating up front and not one ticket is available for the several months worth of run you can buy tix for so far. This show will run for years, I'd bet a dozen lap dances on it. DOG BLESS HEDONISM AS ART!!
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 11:02:13 (EDT)

Word to the supporters of non-long-pigs.

This sign- We're collecting tissue samples

and if you look close in this clip you'll see the sign- We’re measuring body composition
Support Green Peas
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 10:51:18 (EDT)

You guys gotta rig up a big screen behind you at the gig and have that gif running the whole time you're on stage.
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 10:43:30 (EDT)

That chicken picture might be the most awesomest thing I've ever seen.
Lester
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 10:41:12 (EDT)

That is an ABSOLUTELY stunning sequence. It's friggin EGGSQUISITE!!! I give it two bums up!!
croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 10:41:12 (EDT)

Brown Eggs

USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 10:31:24 (EDT)

frilling...totally frilling...
Frill
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 10:29:29 (EDT)

cost big.
willing to be a corporate whore at a very reasonable rate
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 09:59:44 (EDT)

Cool link Lester. They're selling flags, and postcards of the corp-flag, but there's a poster pdf for the egg too.

croc
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 09:57:24 (EDT)

Dig this, Croc.
Lester
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 09:16:42 (EDT)

Glad to see the corporate banner met with approval. Of course you still can click this and point to my crotch.
croc beating a dead hoarse
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 08:34:58 (EDT)

Okay cats and kittins...........my breakfast menu is complete, now it's time for dinner.....I got no problem with the meat shit, but whattaya veg heads want for dinner (that you're willing to spend a lot o'cheese on)?
cheffy
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 08:18:19 (EDT)

tropper =trooper
Spallcheck
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 00:10:50 (EDT)

That disco storm tropper post smells of FACE
Ricky
USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 00:10:33 (EDT)

This good, whoever posted this link
BJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 22:44:46 (EDT)

I know Baby Ruth, and you, Mr. jbonz, are no Baby Ruth
BJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 22:34:59 (EDT)

I thought this was a no frill zone.
Horace Zona
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 20:37:17 (EDT)

alright well i'll check on you diaper wearers in the AM...FRILLY is outta here...
yo Frill
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 20:23:00 (EDT)

some good sh!t...
Frilly Panties
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 19:26:19 (EDT)

anyone up for a few FRILLS?
Frill
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 19:21:39 (EDT)

i was just trying to help him escape...
dolly dagger
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 19:15:01 (EDT)

y'know, when they said he rose on the third day it never even occured to me.
morning wood
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 19:12:00 (EDT)

sum other
foot licking sheep
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:33:29 (EDT)

i think you mean licking the cross...
well i never...
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:22:47 (EDT)

that crossing the line turns sacrilegious into sacri-sillyous
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:21:48 (EDT)

you can take a joke about an ass and turn it into a joke about our government by squirting a few turds...
Colon Powwow
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:16:58 (EDT)

And when you put together the hooker and jesus joke...
crossing the line
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:16:08 (EDT)

why did all the hookers like jesus? because he was hung like THIS....(spread arms wide for visual cue)
jesus was a gigolo
galilee, arousal USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:15:18 (EDT)

It's been a while since there's been a little dancing action here on the lurk

The Disco Trooper
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:55:54 (EDT)

You know, youy can take a joke about a hooker and turn it into a joke about jesus, just by changing a few words.
Neil Hamburger
America's #1 Funnyman, - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:52:46 (EDT)

pamela anderson succumbs to a bad botox/silicone reaction..
bubbling scrubbles
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:38:01 (EDT)

Hey Frilly ya know that last time ya tipped a few too many?
serious need for scrubbing bubbles
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:23:56 (EDT)

look closer, BJ, it's just a baby ruth (insert bill murray in caddyshack jpeg here) or at least i would if i was computer savvy instead of skeezy
jbonz
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:20:44 (EDT)

Randy Hein's not good enough for a back waxin' with a rusty back-waxer...but I would like to see him go SUMO with one Croc-in-the-Box...
the FRILLz
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:15:45 (EDT)

Ever wonder where those hidden settings are in your Windows system?
A Look Inside
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:49:50 (EDT)

That's GOTTA hurt
Cactus Crotch®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:31:05 (EDT)

oh and BJ whoever you are, IGNORE THIS...

...and points to my crotch!
thursday sh!tstarter
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:28:06 (EDT)

You forgot "Trademark infringement".
Blingo®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:27:50 (EDT)

If you have a corporate meeting in your future, you can't live without this
boredroom bingo
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:22:12 (EDT)

never put anything smaller than your elbow in you ear

USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:20:08 (EDT)

And one more thing. Do I swim in jbonz' toilet? No. of course I don't. What's he doing shitting in my pool?
BJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:14:46 (EDT)

I'm here just choosing to ignore you whoever you are.
bj®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:12:14 (EDT)

what happened to BJ? I was all ready for a good round of sh!tstarting after my Sassy Squatting link/note/pic/thingy.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:10:23 (EDT)

yo freak out, jbonz beat you to the link. cool vid of him on that link though.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:08:40 (EDT)

i'll make it hard and you'll lick it?
the meat knob
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:01:22 (EDT)

YES! Fuck YES!
Drugsy
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:59:57 (EDT)

Has anybody here ever tried to set the timer on the VCR. How about freebasing some cocaine and setting that motherfucker. Herione anyone?
Neil Hamburger
That's my life, USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:58:03 (EDT)

“Like a one-man band plucked from the pages of Dr. Seuss, That 1 Guy delivers earthshaking future funk from ”the magic pipe” to accompany his madcap lyrics about turbo snails, meat storms, and weasel pot pies." J.G. Bass Player Magazine
check this freak out
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:57:06 (EDT)

You'll take it hard and you'll like it!
the radio knob
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:56:43 (EDT)

Why do I always take it so hard?
The Radio
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:54:52 (EDT)

Has anybody actually tried to listen to the radio recently? I found myself looking forward to the adverts.
Don
Johnston, USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:51:11 (EDT)

check this dude out, i saw him in the whaling city last saturday. it was not of this earth. plus his other band is called the fabulous hedgehogs..
jbonz
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:45:58 (EDT)

It's official. Like The Civic Center became The Dunk and Greatwoods became whatever it's called nowadays, now our flag proudly bears our new corporate sponsors.
Betsy "The Geritol" Ross
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:27:12 (EDT)

These colors don't (unless it's for more oil)
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:20:26 (EDT)

These colors run.

USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:17:28 (EDT)

HEADLINE--
FOX Reporter Liberates Artw**k
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:09:21 (EDT)

Once?
Doubtee Dan The Big Fat Doubter
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:01:46 (EDT)

Oh, come on now. That only happened once.
The Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:54:48 (EDT)

stretching a #2
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:29:00 (EDT)

I found out that BJ hooked up with Richie Rich after the meeting last night. He left this note and pic.
Sassy Squatting
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:23:29 (EDT)

Lurk #43,000! And I'm gonna use it to link the Prime Number Shitting Bear
Lester
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:21:22 (EDT)

Frill, that Sasquatch's too good for the zoo. How about selling him to Randy Hein as a back waxer?
BJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:13:35 (EDT)

I will buy all of your gay-@sses and sell you to the fucking circus...not you Croc, you go to the zoo
Richie Rich Willie
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:07:32 (EDT)

This chick could crush Rich
Little Lotta
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:06:48 (EDT)

Richie Rich can kiss my destitute a$$.
Le$ter
The slums of Fox Point, RI USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:03:22 (EDT)

...dais...
Spallcheck
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:03:15 (EDT)

Thanks for the advice, Kid. Shitting on the dias was losing it's impact.
BJ
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 14:01:09 (EDT)

Here is a great tactic to use when lobbying for a cause...MJ, take note.
The Kid
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:52:55 (EDT)

Update on the bull acrobat-- I heard there were some talent scouts in the audience and they got him an audition for Bring Da Noise Bring Da Funk.
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:49:50 (EDT)

Yeah, some rich person had the nerve to ask for a 3 foot side yard setback where 6' was required and another Richie Rich was pissed cuz they got their 9' variance back when the abutter was an empty lot...I passed the time with some cold ones and ludes in the back of the council chambers.
bj®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:48:29 (EDT)

BJ, The Boss Lady's pissed. "That's the second night I've wasted down there...blah, blah, blah,...The stores are supposed to be open...blah, blah, blah." She's not feelin' any love for the way Middleblob conducts their meetings. She said some arguement about a new, giant house took up the whole time because both sides had lawyers and shit that wouldn't shut up. Heh.
Lester
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:32:36 (EDT)

Yay. Happy dog story endings. right Furze? Hey Lester, I had my break away blouse and and wallet harness all set up to unleash on yo boss if things didn't go Middleblob's way. Oh well, just have to wait till next month. Tick tick tick goes the client's cash...
bj®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:06:01 (EDT)

nuttin' like sh!!tin' on a clean fresh log
sh!!te Willy
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:46:48 (EDT)

fatass T graphic.
Lester
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:46:23 (EDT)

#2 dog story
I Got Ruffed Up By The Cops
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:36:08 (EDT)

OK two dog stories
this dog ain't doggone
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:34:57 (EDT)

bummin'.
doris
- Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:26:06 (EDT)

bulls really do have bull-dicks
suddenly feeling inadequate
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:03:09 (EDT)

Ok long-pig, you think you're pretty slick with that blanket, but can you do this....

Ferdinand The Bull-Sh!tstarter
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:59:48 (EDT)

I got my very own Bio Bummer developing in my thong. Quick, somebody get Blix on the scene.
BJ®
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:53:08 (EDT)

The good Captain has seen to it that ye ole log be pinched. It was gettin' a little mouthy. Whomever posted the fatass "T" graphic, please re-utilise your html prowess to repost. Thank you.
BSTC
The basement, USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:47:49 (EDT)

where'd the f@t @ass T go?
vanishing point
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:47:16 (EDT)

OY what a show!
Willy & his gay @ss necklace
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:06:26 (EDT)

Aww hell. I remember a day when you could print your own shirts in the afternoon, sell them for peanuts or trade them for all kinds of drugs that night and everyone would have a good time.
Don
Uselesston, USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:03:35 (EDT)

WEIGHTY NUMBERS: 14: Number of calories in a potato chip 29: Number of pounds you would gain from eating one extra potato chip a day for 20 years 19.8: Percentage of adults who say they are obese 30.5: Percentage of adults who really are medically obese 30: Percentage by which people typically underestimate how many calories they eat 1,795: Average number of daily calories successful weight losers probably eat 23: Percentage of U.S. adults who consume five servings of fruits and vegetables a day 510: Number of calories in a plain Panera cinnamon crunch bagel 2: Hours it would take a 160-pound person to walk off a plain Panera cinnamon crunch bagel 14: Hours a 160-pound person needs to walk to lose a pound 148: Average increase in daily calories consumed, compared with 20 years ago 140: Calories in a regular 12-ounce Coke 10: Diameter, in inches, of a typical restaurant plate 20 years ago 12: Diameter, in inches, of a typical restaurant plate today Sources: Purdue University Department of Foods and Nutrition; Journal of the American Medical Association; National Weight Control Registry; U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; www.panera.com; www.netnutritionist.com; U.S. Department of Agriculture; Coca-Cola Co.; American Institute for Cancer Research
Furze® <interesting@information.com>
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 09:52:18 (EDT)

Seven petri dishes with Staphylococcus and E. coli bacteria!!!!

Call in a B-52 strike! we've found a large cache of deadly bio-weapons. There's got to be almost enough here to give someone a sore throat AND an upset stomach!!
Laura Petri Is A Dish
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 09:39:56 (EDT)

that shirt should match nicely my pepto-pink gay-@ss egg
croc
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 09:36:29 (EDT)

More trouble for Willy and his g@y=@ss necklace.
Fester
Fox Point , RI USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 09:23:26 (EDT)

Looks like the Middleblob Square sign showdown is delayed yet another month. . .
Lester
Fox Point, RI USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 08:53:48 (EDT)

yankees SUCK
doris
- Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 08:51:12 (EDT)

brown and yellow. could be worse. could be bleu, blanc et rouge.
doris
- Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 08:06:56 (EDT)

Chong want benny t-shirt. How much do I have tro pay for that anyway? Will they be at the show at a discounted price if you can prove you are bruce lees' son? Brown shirts are the way to go for me becrause they cover the fried rice stains. Now i go watch malaysian SARS covered Star Wars bootleg dvds. I lost 27 lbs thanks to sars! See you at the show. I heard benny has S.A.R.S. (smelly ass rectal smears)
Chong Lee
USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 07:17:50 (EDT)

Can I get a ride to the Dictators/Benny Sizzler show...anyone...?
Schmucko
Central Falls, RI USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 01:01:30 (EDT)

Dexter, we're all familiar with what you and cheffy call a marathon.
Don
Johnston, USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 23:58:17 (EDT)

Yo Cheffy, I woke up, and it was the day after!
Dexter
Wellesly College, USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 21:32:38 (EDT)

Note to BJ, I've seen that Middletown website o' yours, and you're calling this a slum? Got stripmalls? To be honest, they're hell bent to do it on this side of the bridge, but we're trying civil, and un-civil, disobedience!!
Dexter
Timwakefield, RI USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 21:31:15 (EDT)

Hi Lacy! It's me Lacy!!
Lacy Underalls
USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 21:17:45 (EDT)

That brown and gold "T" will go lovely with my g@y @ss necklace.
Lacy Necklace
Great Neck, USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 20:42:32 (EDT)

I'm a big fat slug!
fat @ss Randy from the Living Room
USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 19:01:24 (EDT)

Holy shit it's a fudge brown Benny sizzler t-shirt printed front and back!
Not a band member
USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 18:04:29 (EDT)

Check THIS shit out (and then you point to your crotch).

USA - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 17:46:03 (EDT)

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